Believe it or not I was there while it was happening. As Moses’ twibn brother. I don’t think much of him. He was a selfish homicidal evil awful charlatan who had a bizarre fetish for cutting parts off of other men’s penises. He wielded a knife and would threaten anyone who spoke back to him, what a tyrant. I’m amazed at Judaism for adopting his nonsense. Anyway, I’m glad he’s dead and I’m glad for the gruesomeness of his downfall. He tried to do that shit with me, that penis must get cut business. When I told him where to shove it he replied “FINE! I’ll just do it to babies from now on! And that’s what happened from then on, despite the tears and wails of tiny innocent babies. I’m writing this Book of Numbers and that’s one of Moses’ books so I have to talk about the sad sop, I wouldn’t put you, dear reader, through this if I didn’t have to.

That’s how I’ll begin the Bible chap[ter. Most of the book will be on numbers and puns, but this section will have to dispatch the old testament.